Indigo N. J. : Volume 1

The journal of a heart and soul from dark to light...what's in store???

A Letter To MY Heart


You say you get it but I know you dont...how do I know? 
Cause you ask me the same question over and over and over again...
No matter how you word it the question is the same.


Can you just let go and love me the way you know you do???


No I CAN'T..Not Yet


How many ways do you need for me to say it before it sinks in? 
If you say you're gonna wait then wait...otherwise don't. 
What else is there for me to say? 
I can not make you understand no matter the words I use and/or visuals shown...you are not me...and right now 


I CAN NOT DEAL 
With the Thought of 
LOVE 
let alone throw myself into such a situation no matter how I feel for you...


I LOVE YOU but i'm not ready to LOVE YOU.



Indigo N. J.


If I had to paint myself this piece would be the end result...
  
Indigo N. J.

Prison Angel Pictures, Images and Photos

Of course I would love this piece of art it's so fitting...  
Indigo N. J.

So funny how the thing which is closest to you can somehow be the hardest thing to reach...I myself can identify from both angles of that statement. For my heart is hard to get to which leaves the ones trying to love me reaching for dear life. And because I have grown to gate my heart so, it can be difficult to let go and reach for the ones I love. A catch 22...a constant battle of mind fighting against the heart and dreams battling reality. 

Who's to win in the end??? 

So far my mind is in control for it protects to heart from renewed wounds that have yet to heal regardless of the many years that have passed. TRUST, trust is absent from my vocabulary. In nothing I trust. The only thing in which I am certain of is the floating joy of melodies matched with harmony. And when lyrics set perfection I fly. In music I fly...in music I am free...in music I am me. The only thing in which my heart and mind agrees...now I have to find a way to not just love in music but also to love in him completely....Heart and Mind must agree or else he will always be out of reach...Cause love is not just in half but in all of me. His patience and understanding i have to admit makes the anxiety worst cause it's a love I KNOW is TRUE...

But when your biggest fear is lost of love...

What are you to do????



  Indigo N. J.

About this blog

A heart and soul once wounded and torn journeys to healing and releasing once again...

What's in store??????

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