So funny how the thing which is closest to you can somehow be the hardest thing to reach...I myself can identify from both angles of that statement. For my heart is hard to get to which leaves the ones trying to love me reaching for dear life. And because I have grown to gate my heart so, it can be difficult to let go and reach for the ones I love. A catch 22...a constant battle of mind fighting against the heart and dreams battling reality.
Who's to win in the end???
So far my mind is in control for it protects to heart from renewed wounds that have yet to heal regardless of the many years that have passed. TRUST, trust is absent from my vocabulary. In nothing I trust. The only thing in which I am certain of is the floating joy of melodies matched with harmony. And when lyrics set perfection I fly. In music I fly...in music I am free...in music I am me. The only thing in which my heart and mind agrees...now I have to find a way to not just love in music but also to love in him completely....Heart and Mind must agree or else he will always be out of reach...Cause love is not just in half but in all of me. His patience and understanding i have to admit makes the anxiety worst cause it's a love I KNOW is TRUE...
But when your biggest fear is lost of love...
What are you to do????
Indigo N. J.
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